I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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