Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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