It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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