I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
