I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
