i need an iv and a liver transplant
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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