My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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