So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
