At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
