It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
