wat bout pragnant strippers??
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
