It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
