it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
