I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
