So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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