Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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