I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
