I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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