This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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