There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
