drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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