I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
