Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
