put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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