I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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