We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
