Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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