she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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