You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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