My sheets look like a crime scene.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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