saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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