I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Found your dick twin last night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
