he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
