I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
