I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
