You made me cry and you don't even care
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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