definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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