I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
