He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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