Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
