I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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