Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
