a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
