he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
