my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
