I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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