ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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