This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
