I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
