I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I did not marry a roomba.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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