Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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