Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
