why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
